Chaos and Information
One of my peak experiences in this work, one which I consider
a self initiation, although I wouldn't have called it that at the time, had nothing
apparently to do with shamanism, magick or esoteric work of any kind. It involved simply
lying down, closing my eyes and listening to John Coltrane ("Blue Trane" for
those keeping track). Even though at that time I had been studying and practicing
classical music for a long time, this kind of intense fast jazz had always eluded me to
some degree. I could appreciate it rhythmically at some level, and in terms of mood in a
general way. But there was something there that was still closed off. I could see it just
enough to know it was there, but not enough to truly experience it... the worse of all
situations. I would listen very closely and manage to truly delve into a certain phrase
then snap out of it to realize that several phrases had already gone by afterward and I
had already lost my "trane" of perception. Intuitively, I came to realize that
the my blindness related to my perception of time. I was always at least one instant
behind the actual time. By the time I perceived a particular phrase it was already gone,
by the time my brain would process it, several more had gone by and it was too late. So I
started to apply a very particular effort. If you have been practicing the experiments in
this book, you will certainly recognize this effort. I started to force my attention to be
in the present by willfully discarding the past as soon as it flowed through me. The
effort is the equivalent of keeping your eyes looking forward as you walk, avoiding any
look to the side or behind you. At first it was very difficult to maintain but the more I
would do it (within the same session... I'm not talking about days or weeks of practice)
the easier it would become. And then all of a sudden, the music opened up like a
transdimensional living flower, in all its many faceted glory, colors, shapes, nuances. It
exploded all over me and I could see it taking shape in my mind. If I got distracted for
even a single second, it would dissappear again. But even a single experience of it was
enough. I had found the key.
Since we are so used to experiencing the world "one step
behind", when we actually get into present time, it feels like we are perpeatually
rushing ahead, moving a bit too fast and maybe even out of control. This is a clue to
recognizing when this particular state begins to occur. It's the difference between
sitting in one of the wagons of a speeding train and watching the terrain pass quickly
next to us and moving to the front, maybe tied to face of the train and actually feeling
the speed of the train in every inch of our bodies as we face into the great unknown...
with a huge machine at our backs!
In this great rush, we may feel overwhelmed by a great amount
of information, coming at us at a terrible rate, absolutely too fast to process it
intellectually, maybe even too fast to even perceive it in its detail. This is the surplus
of data which we usually discard as we move through life. It has been there all along. The
quantity of information hasn't increased, only your perception of it. We may feel
terrorized by such a great influx of impressions and wish to hide away again, back in the
wagon where it was safe. This impulse to hide is so strong, that we will fall for it, time
and time again. This is to be expected and absolutely normal. What we have to do is keep
on coming back to the head of the train. Rest for a while then try it again. Slowly become
used to the Akashic winds hitting your face with irresistible force and forcing your True
Self out of its millenial slumber.
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