To attain freedom
you must submit voluntarily
to discipline and organization
It was almost a
decade ago when I first heard this old adage. I
was waiting for them, in a nice café, those designed for college students, poets and
artists. I was sitting there, sipping a foamy
cup of something I had just discovered. I was
trying my best to look alert. I feared they
would just walk past me if they found me distracted.
Sitting there, looking at everyone coming inIs that them?
No, not
them.
I dont
know what I was expecting. Certainly not
undescprit characters in black hooded robes. The
kind of beings youre sure youve seen before but cant really remember
when. I suppose I was expecting people who
looked like everyone else, but who would alert something within. Something in me would stir, sit up, and take
notice. I would recognize them, I was sure of
that.
Sure enough,
they were suddenly there. Mike and Bob. Yes, like in Twin Peaks, but this happened before
the series. Otherwise I would have sworn it
was a bad joke they were playing (like this guy in a Carlos Castaneda newsgroup who took
up the name Juan Carlos right after Castanedas death, pretending to be
an expert and to be in contact with the real teachings of Don Juan). No, they were really Mike and really Bob. They looked like typical Americans, looking a bit
weird like all Americans. It was during our
conversation that an ineffable quality begun to be evident for me. Right then, a Chamber begun to be formed, and I
knew we had been here before. Right when it
was sealed, they announced, lets take a ride.
Encapuchado.
My body wanted
to react with violence. It wanted to flee. It wanted to panic.
They asked, very politely. Would
you agree to wear this hoodwink before we get to the abbey? It looked exactly like I had imagined it many
times. Black.
Heavy. Taking away freedom,
clarity, security, freedom. Images of my
childhood wanted to surface in my consciousnessmemories and fears of seeing people
taken awayforever.
Sure, no
problem.
Lets talk
about engines. Perhaps it will become
clearer. A modern combustion engine can be
said to work by securely enclosing a series of chambers, within which many intense
explosions take place. Sealing the chamber is
as important as allowing the explosion to take place.
The engine would not work if one of these conditions is not present. In other words, work is accomplished when a series
of explosions of energy is contained by strongly secured chambers. Work and change come as a function of bounded
chaotic releases of energy.
That kept going
through my mind, as I sat in the back seat of the car unable to see where I was,
blindfolded. My body felt like an engine in
its own right, responding to the sound of the car and the feel of the dirt road under it
by releasing mini-bursts of light and heat. I
could feel the bursts racing through my back and in my solar plexus. My eyes were seeing flashes of color, as if coming
from inside my skull. Where is this
coming from? I asked myself.
About half an
hour later, the car stopped. I was brought to
a room inside what seem to be a big house. I
was lead to a small room, empty but for a glass of water, a candle, and a sitting mat in
the corner. I was asked to wait in
meditation. The symphony of color and
sensation increased. It increased to the
point where I was no longer surprised by it, as if those sensations occurred every day. My
hearing was very acute, and the lighting and space of the room were playing tricks on me.
(No, I had not drunk the water. I am brave,
not stupid).
My situation
reminded me of a Zen parable. A seeker was
contacted by an agent of the Sacred Chao, affiliate of the C.C.C. He was given exact directions to the place where
he could receive initiation, become enlightened, received the ancient teachings, and learn
the Lambada. He was told to go to a specific
address, to enter through the back door at exactly the right time (no sooner and no later,
he had to time it to the minute). He was
carefully instructed to sneak in, and to avoid being discovered. To do this, he had to be quiet, and alert to
sounds of footsteps and conversations. He was
given a partial but detailed map of the house, clearly laying down the route he was
supposed to take. Once he got to the room,
the instructions said, he should take a seat on the sitting mat in front of the candle and
the glass of water. He was commanded to sit
in meditation. The instructions promised
enlightenment in exactly twenty minutesas long as he had followed instructions to
the letter and not broken his concentration.
He followed his
instructions to the letter. He did not break
his concentration, nor his attentionwhich he had cultivated for years now by bargain
hunting in Latin American countries. All the
details of what he was seeing and experiencing did not detract him from what he was doing,
nor from why he was doing it. He sat down,
not drinking the water, and waited in deep but alert meditation. He did not succumb to the impulse of looking at
his watch to see how many minutes had passed, that would break his concentration. He waited. He
didnt let the creaks and grunts coming from the ceiling distract him either. In fact, not even the tiny drop of water falling
on his head was enough to make him break and move. After
roughly twenty minutes, a series of sounds coming from the second floor let the seeker
know that someone was using the toilet facilities exactly above his head. A minute or two later, the same someone flushed
the toilet. Suddenly, the ceiling gave way,
and instead of an annoying drop of water, a whole load of excrement and urine fell on his
head. At exactly that moment, without giving
him enough time to react, a group of people came into a room, they looked like a typical
tourist group led by a local guide.
and
this is one of the abandoned rooms of the old abbey.
The exact purpose of this room is still under debate. Oh, and if you see in that corner of the room
youll see a controversial figure of the abbey.
Hes always sitting there and no one seems to ever interact with him, or know
anything about him. Some say he is one of the
enlightened masters, a true teacher of the ancient world.
Others say he is just a shit-head. At
that moment, the seeker was enlightened. He
never learnt to dance, though.
So, roughly
twenty minutes later, they came for me.
This time, I
was blindfolded and bound on my wrist and ankles. Someone
led me through an underground labyrinth, which we took a long time to navigate because I
was forced to take very small steps; limited as I was by my binds.
The physical
binding and the emotional and psychological strangeness of the whole situation combined to
create an inner direction to the explosions produced within my nervous system. Once inside the chamber, I knew there were others
thereothers who had gone through the same experience.
At some point in the ritual, they finally took off my bounds and my
blindfold. The room had the feel of been a
secret chamber in the middle of the dessert. Thats
when the sheik of the group said to me:
For
centuries is been taught in our ancient order, that in order to attain freedom you must
submit voluntarily to discipline and organization
That certainly
resonated with the whole ritual. Submit
voluntarily to discipline and organization. That
was a formula that lead to the attainment of the feeling of freedom. It was clearly not about obeying a teacher, nor
was it about following the commandments of another being (supreme or not). The will was involved, so was the surrendering of
control.
For some, this
formula might seem self-contradictory. That
is ok. To actually live and understand it, to
experience it, a different state of awareness is required.
Not the usual state where we are under the involuntary control of society,
peoples opinions, our desires, the unconscious plotting of the shadows, and fear.
How is freedom
attained through a purgatory of discipline? It
is not by killing the sensibility of the body and the mind through misconceived
discipline. Discipline is not
punishment and fear. It is not bribery,
either.
Discipline is
the proper alignment of the Will with the Intent.
The difference
between Will and Intent is subtle, but very real. Understanding
this difference, experiencing it, brings a new understanding to what discipline is. Discipline, as used in this book, is like a slow
blue fire created by the Wills constant friction against the resistance of the false
personality. False personalities within
ourselves keep plotting against the manifestation of the Will. By invoking Will properly and frequently, we
generate this energy, this blue fire which slowly but surely transforms and solidifies
something inside of us. That something is
what allows us to act with freedomnot under the whims of vanity, ego, rage,
competition, status, avarice, hunger, etc.
In the next
section, we explore this issue further. How
do we attain this so-called discipline? How
is it different from what society now calls discipline?
Experiment
1: What I Really Want To Do!
Start
by setting aside about a half hour of time in a place where you won't be interrupted by
anyone.
Sit
in the space calmly for a few minutes, doing any Experiment or practice that you are
familiar with (including any in this book/site) to clear your mind of thoughts.
Take
out a piece of paper and a pencil or pen.
Look
around the room at all the possible small actions that you can take in the room.
Now
write down on the paper: "I should ________ " and fill the blank with a small
action that you "should" do in the room.
Look
around the room at all the possible small actions that you can take in the room.
Now
write down on the paper "I could ______ " and fill the blank with a small action
that you "could" do in the room.
Look
around the room at all the possible small actions that you can take in the room.
Now
write down "What I really want to do is _____ " and fill in the blank with
"what you really want to do".
Now
perform the action that "you really want to do".
When
you are finished come back to the sitting position (if you left it) and clear your mind
once again.
Repeat
the process from step 4 several times until the half hour is over.
Experiment:
What I Really Want to Do! Part 2
Write
down something that you need to complete, either for work or for yourself.
Next
to this, write down something you would rather be doing. (Both of this should be
activities that you can perform on your own at your house or wherever you are performing
the experiment.)
Now
set a timer to 15 minutes and start to do what you "have to do". When the 15
minutes are over, STOP! Take a few breaths.
Now
set the timer to 15 minutes again and start to do what you would "rather be
doing". When the 15 minutes are over, STOP! Take a few breaths.
Repeat
this cycle until a couple of hours have passed or until both activities are finished (if
they have a definite ending point.)
Write
down any "results" or "perceptions" that you have while you are doing
this.
Experiment:
Nothing to Do!
Set
aside a whole day for this experiment in a place where there is noone else besides you. If
you live alone, this will simply mean unhooking the phone and computer and not answering
the door. If you live with many people, this may involve renting a place away from home
and leaving for a weekend.
The
night before the exercise begins, write down your decision to go through with the
following experiment. The aim is simple: I will DO NOTHING for one whole day. Prepare
three cold meals for the next day that you can store.
In
the morning, either sit or lie somewhere comfortable. DO NOTHING. That includes:
don't read, don't watch TV, don't fix things around the place, etc. No matter how small
the task may seem, DON'T DO IT!
When
you feel hungry, eat one of the meals that you prepared the previous day.
If
you feel intense anxiety, breathe through it. If you feel desperate, breathe through it.
If you feel intense emotions, breathe through them.
When
night comes, keep on doing nothing until you fall asleep.
When
you wake up the next day, write down some of the thoughts, feelings, visions and
perceptions that appear to you.
There is a definite difference between doing my Will and
doing what I want. The latter refers to the freedom every conflicting
part of a splintered personality wants to claim for itself. The problem with doing
what I want is that there is no integrated I. We are a composite of many
conflicting factions who each time, whenever each of them is in charge, claims to be
I.
Do what you want, therefore, is
nothing but the bondage of our true Will, where the true Will never manifests because all
our energies are busy trying to accomplish the passing whims of the different parts of our
personality. We dons stop manifesting. The magick continues. What happens is that
the magical energy is dispersed and thrown to the pigs. When we use the power
of manifestation and invocation for the benefit of a part of the ego, a different part is
sure to take control later and use the same energy for contradictory purposes. In the end,
we find ourselves with a life of self denial, confusion, unrealized dreams, and
self-destructive behaviors.
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How To Create the Mood of Freedom
How freedom is achieved through a
purgatory of discipline |